What are you good at?
What skills do you have?
What great business idea do you think about and wish you had the nerve to launch?
What books do you have written in your head?
What ideas do you keep from work colleagues in meetings for fear of looking stupid?
What do you wish you did before you took on this career…what do you wish you had done instead or even ‘had the balls’ to do now?!
My little cat Flossy hiding in the lounge!
For many of us life gets in the way and we never make the changes we wish we had made a long time ago, whether that be in our careers, relationships with partners or friends or even changes to our living arrangements and hobbies?
But why don’t we do the things that we feel we ultimately feel we what to do? What is stopping us?
We each have our own set of reasons (and excuses!), for not taking on things or making changes, many of these things I’ve discussed here on the pages of my blog before. But this post takes a different look at why we sometimes don’t make changes that we know we really want to make as we look briefly at what it means to want to ‘stay hidden’.
Why hide from the world?
I meet men and women every day who come to see me for Psychology Coaching because they tell me that they want to launch a new business. They’ve had an idea for, usually several, years and feel that they now want some help to see how this could work and fit into their lives, thus building it up into a successful and sustainable business.
So what you need to know about Psychology Coaching is that I always spend the first few sessions digging deep into a persons’ past. I always warn my new clients that this will happen as some think we are going to launch straight into taking an overlook at the business idea and how this will then fit into their already busy lives.
Before we even start to look at an idea, I first like to know as much about them as I can, for many reasons, but one big reason is so that I can build a knowledge of patterns of behaviour. You see, we all do things each and every day that we are probably quite unaware of. Some of these behaviours will ‘serve us’. Some will not. I like to find the root cause of some of these patterns as there is power in figuring out where they came from. A really easy way to explain this is by looking (very simplistically all you psychologists out there!), at eating patterns:
Take a small child. A child gets upset and cries, so the parent gives them some chocolate to ‘calm them down’ (I know!). The child then learns that chocolate is soothing. As they get older and to ‘self-soothe’ when upset, they then turn to what they know. Chocolate or, when that isn’t available, food in general. Any will do?
The point is, is that when we do these things repetitively there is usually an underpinning reason based on a historical set of actions or behaviours that sets in motion a way of being (for better or worse).
So, why hide? Why not do things that you want to do?
I’d like to offer you this exercise…
1- Write down one ‘thing’ that you would like to do but haven’t yet done.
2- Write down all your ‘known’ reasons for not doing said thing.
3 – Notice how many of them are emotion based versus logistical, e.g. I’m scared or fearful of failure versus I don’t have the money to buy X products or time in my day to do X.
**Note – just writing ‘I can’t do it’ is also emotional. Just follow the next steps in relation to this in the same manner as other emotions as below**
4- Write these on a separate list, not note down next to these emotions other times that you feel like that.
5. Now, next to this, note down your earliest memory of feeling like that
(not always from child-hood, can be more recent)
What do you notice?
This can be a very powerful exercise if you take the time to think through where these emotions come from.
Often what we can see from an exercise like this, is that we have learnt over time to feel that we can’t, (and can, in works both ways!), do certain things in our life. The power is in noticing that if we learnt it in the first place, then we can consciously re-learn or re-wire ourselves in a way that is more aligned with who we want to be/our future goals and future self.
The time is now to stop hiding from the world.
There is no right time to embrace change, but what I do know is that today becomes yesterday, so don’t leave it another day to be brave and stop hiding.
The world needs your gift, you passion and is waiting to receive what you have to offer.
Til next week!